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It's been awhile, it truly has. This aching feel I have on the inside of me has come back home, to the place where it belonged to in the first place. It has been almost a year now since a disastrous ending that resulted in so much chaos and destruction, to the point that there seemed to be no hope. The aftermath of which caused so much confusion and instability in my life, to the point that there seemed no point of return. 

Seeking out those same feelings I once had for someone I truly cared about seemed to not exist anymore. It was as if no one could even come close to replicating those feelings I once shared. I made mistakes, too plenty to even count. I did things I regretted, even up till today. The past will always come back to haunt me in some form or another, and all I can truly do is to cast those thoughts to the back of my mind. We can never fully erase what we have done, all we can do is to let it go and to move on with our lives. 

I've ran and I've hid, only searching in hope that one day I could find someone who would bring definition to my life. To find that someone who would bring meaning. 

Isn't that what we have all been searching for all along? 

We look and we hope with earnest in our hearts that we would find that special someone once again. Not in a bid to replace the old but in the hope we can forge something new. All we can do is to create a new adventure, a new journey together. Not with just anyone, but with the one we truly know is different from the rest, the one that makes your heart soft when you see them.

I never understood the definition of "not being good enough" and yes, while we are all flawed human beings and the things we do, the mistakes we make might portray different perspectives, isn't that what makes us human? How can a person justify whether or not they are good enough? By the things that they do, by the words that they say or even by the thoughts that they think? Like I said, our flaws are what makes us human. 

It's funny how the person standing in the mirror can sometimes never truly see what is good in themselves. Maybe that is how we are wired up on the inside, maybe that is how we should think. However, there will come a day when someone will step out of the darkness and into the light that is our lives. They will come and give us a new meaning and a new purpose. We see things in them that we searched for all this while but never found, only to see it in them. 

The smile that they bring to our faces whenever we see them, someone that is different from what you've seen. When you talk there seems to be a connection and you never run out of things to say. To be able to keep the conversation going into the wee hours of the morning not wanting it to end. It's funny how the simplest of things that he/she does can light up our lives. It's just them. 

Time will truly tell if the person we think we've found is who we think they are. The best case would be that yes, they were everything we truly wanted. Time will always for certain, play a huge role in everything. To see whether it is just an infatuation, to whether or not a person truly means what they say is all up to time. Time will tell and I hope when I look back at this post, that my choice was right. That what my sixth sense and gut feeling that told me was true. 

You're amazing in every little way but you might not see it. You bring new meaning to my life but you can't see it. Seeing your smile now means everything to me, and all I can and truly want to do is to light your world. To show you that you deserve something more in life, and not how the past has treated you. There is no hurry, there is no rush. We've got time on our side. When the time comes and you're ready to fly, I'll take your hand and never let go. 

You're THAT special. 

a heart, an open one.

 This post is dedicated to a friend, a mentor and a leader. Despite being under your leadership for barely under a year, I must say, you have impacted me in ways I myself do not understand. Perhaps in the beginning, I did not see things from your perspective, I did not understand the value of being in your fellowship. However I know that now. Or rather, have known for the recent part of the last few months. It is really interesting I must say, because in the beginning, I was skeptical, I was hesitant. This is something that cannot be avoided, something that comes with change. Transition periods are never easy. Some people transit through them fast, other longer. I must say I joined the latter. 

However, your quirky and fun-loving nature won me over ( i don't mean this in a bad way, on the contrary it is something good!). I look forward to hearing you preach on friday nights, I enjoy sitting together with you during fellowship. Times and places whereby I stumble upon insightful wisdom, wisdom from you. 

2 years is not a short period of time, albeit one that will pass quickly enough in due season. We will all miss your presence, I will miss your presence during our fridays and saturdays. Hearing one of your many stories always brings a smile to our faces, a thought embedded in our minds. I am already looking forward to your return from San Francisco in two months' time, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that sentiment. 

Melvin, you have made a difference in my life, and in the lives of many others. You have brought laughter, you have brought tears. Your sacrifices are one to be admired, one that not many are willing to give up. They say that the only constant in life is change. I say that you have constantly brought change into my life. 

Thank you.
  • Current Music
    letting go - lupe fiasco

Decisions, decisions.

 There always comes a point in our lives when we need to make big decisions. Some of which may alter our paths of destiny entirely. However, it is these decisions that make life, as they say, life. And in life, we have to learn to always see things from both ends of the spectrum. The two ends of the spectrum, or in this context, we can say, the two extremes of decision-making. We have decisions whereby we can choose whether to have a simple meal, or an exquisite one. We also have decisions that aren’t entirely simple; yet, we also face the possibility that the outcome of this decision or choice can change things around us, in small and big ways.

The choice to pursue a degree or career overseas is one fine example of such a decision. It affects potentially the next 3 to 10 years ahead of us, and is it something that we can look back and say we were proud of doing? The choice to chase the guy or girl of our dreams, in spite of competition, that is something that requires superior judgment, whether or not, this person is worth chasing. We also have to look at the “competition” that is involved. That will also determine what the odds are and whether theoretically you actually stand a chance.

I love the saying, “all’s fair in love and war” and yes, I believe it is true. It is not always the “handsome or gorgeous” or the “charming or alluring”, well neither is it the “wealthy” that will always get the girl, or the guy. However, these above traits are factors that one will take into consideration. Whether or not we succeed with these traits or not are not ours to judge. It is the party we are chasing, whether or not they are “touched” by our sincerity or all our efforts in pursuing them. I have seen many situations whereby a girl chooses the guy that is overweight, rather than the one that looks decently fit. And I must add that the girl is nowhere in the “fat-zone”. Thus, personality in this case, triumphed over looks. Everyone has a fair chance this is my firm belief. And how we make use of our chances. Don’t be intimidated by the competition, whoever they are. If David can defeat Goliath, what are our odds then? Prove yourself worthy and I believe we will not be let down by our efforts. Sometimes it is not what we did that is wrong, but yet it is whom we did it for that really matters.

A round peg can never fit into a square hole. Once you’ve got that figured out, stop trying to fit in where you don’t belong, but yet, try again somewhere else. You’ll never know, you might be surprised that the next person you chat up could be the round hole you’ve been looking for. It never hurts to try, make sure that at the end of the day, it is a joyful process of pursuit; one that brings more joy then despair, because if it’s the other way around, we will have a big problem. I really believe in the ”round peg square hole” theory and that does not mean you don’t try, but instead, you move on when your gut tells you, “this ain’t gonna work”.

Save yourself from the hurt of rejection, it is something a good person does not deserve. Yet so often, people whom I love get hurt and end up on the wrong end of the relationship with someone else. These are the kind of things I wish to avoid seeing because I know the pain that one goes through. One that should be avoided at all costs.

Be brave friends. Never be afraid to chase your dreams and ambitions. Make the wise choices and I believe happiness will be at the end of your “rainbow”.

  • Current Music
    so big - iyaz
on the grass

in the deep crevices of the inner man.

Where there is darkness, there will not be light. Where there is hatred, love is not found. When paranoia sinks in, peace and serenity will seem so far away. Life isn't easy, and in a world where nothing can be taken from granted, we humans still tend to do so. Even when we know how we should't, we still do, be it knowingly or not. It is an aspect of our lives that is hard to control. Starting of from a point of inconvenience and discomfort, we move closer and closer to what we like to call, our "comfort-zone" and it is within this particular zone that well, as the name puts it across as clear as crystal, we feel "comfortable". Be it with who we are, or be it with the friends around us.

Transitions are always part of parcel of a new phase of life. It is not something that will drag us out of the place we were once comfortable in, to somewhere "unknown", bringing us to a threshold of new beginnings. Man has never been a huge fan of new beginnings. Look at one of the "restarts" in history, when God had to send Jesus to "replace" Adam, who kind of messed things up for the rest of us. That new beginning must not have been easy, but yet, we always manage to grow accustomed to our "losses", be it in our friendships, or the things we sacrifice. And from that point on, move towards something greater and a step closer to making a difference somewhere, somehow. 

The final stage of every transition is the part when we "settle" down. When we move from our original place of comfort, to a place of adjustments, and from there, we go right back to the former, but yet, it is in the latter. In the sense that, we start to settle down, back into a place of comfort. Albeit it being a "new" place of comfort. This is where in friendships, new or old do problems start to be planted into the new "soil". In a scenario of the classroom, where there is a new class, new friends, new teachers, new adjustments. Yes it will take awhile to grow accustomed to the environment and the timeframe for each individual will differ accordingly. Fast-forward two months, new friends become classmates, new teachers become lecturers and these new adjustments become our new comfort-zone. This is where will start to see the problems that lie within that very zone we are comfortable in. 

As classmates, we know who is easy, who is nice. Who we can "take advantage" of and who doesn't give a rat's ass (pardon the language, I find the contrast quite fitting personally). That is where we start to "exploit" those who we categorize as "nice and easy". We start to know their patterns, their likes and dislikes and how we go about "using" them. When it comes to projects, we know who will put in their blood, sweat and tears and who will not. That being said, we can start to go about asking for help as if they have nothing better to do and "stand-by" awaiting our requests for help. 

I hope you get the picture, and know what we as humans tend to do when we are too comfortable in that zone with others. This is the problems that could possibly occur in a foreseeable future, and now that we know it. Pay more attention to our every beck and call, and make sure that when we do seek help, we do not do so just because we know the other party will definitely oblige to our request. People can be nice, yes that is a fact. However, taking advantage of people isn't. Remember, just because you're "buddies" with someone, that doesn't give you the right to "micro-manage" his or her life. 

Always keep this is mind. Appreciation is the key to building a meaningful friendship. Trust is also important, but without appreciation, it is like leaving a flower in the desert without giving it water. It will survive, but the question there is, "for how long?". Don't ride a person's head and expect him to come asking you to climb aboard over and over again, because I'm afraid your "luck" will surely run out. 

  • Current Music
    devil in me - kate voegele
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on the grass

is it just a day?

On the 14th day of the 2nd month each year comes a very special day to each and every individual. It is a day to celebrate love, and dwell in romance. It is none other than Valentine's Day. A day for the married, to once again renew their love and dedication to one another. A day for the boyfriends and girlfriends to spend time with each other, partaking in "inflated"  meals, specially thought up by the food and beverage industry to burn a huge hole in their pockets; mainly those of the male gender. However, it is day for the singles, as they also call this day, aptly named "Singles Awareness Day" and yes, it is a day that they become "aware" of their single-ness and one of two responses will happen. Either the lovey-dovey feeling will go around like a bad case of the flu bug, thus causing them to start pining for their "soul-mate" to come along, or, they stand by with pride, about how being single is the best thing that could have ever happened. 

Well, from my view-point, as I have a girlfriend that I cherish, love and adore, it is a day whereby one will go the extra mile to make this day special, not that we don't try to make each day spent with each other special, but really being able to put aside all business of the day and just enjoy each others' company. And yes, it is just a day, and there are 365 days every year to make your loved ones feel special, but this is the day that people always focus on. This is the day that people stop and remember, that they are not just living for themselves,  but also for the special people in their lives. 

Never fail to remember how special that wonderful person is in your life. Keep in mind, that we have every day, for the rest of our lives to make he or she feel loved. In spite of how busy we may be, stop to breathe and appreciate life and all that is special in yours. Think of the times when the love of your life made you go "aww" and when they make you think how lucky you got when they became yours. Never go a day without appreciating everything he or she has done for you. Learn to live everyday without regret, and with love and appreciation. 

For the singles, until you find the one you call "soul-mate", don't stop looking. Always know that, that person might just be the one you're having a conversation with and not know it yet. Keep your heart open, learn to take things slow, and live life as it is. Girls, keep your "walls" up, because your knight in shining armour is going to be that guy who is willing to do what it takes to climb that "wall" of yours, to be able to see you for all you are, to see how beautiful you really are. Know that keeping your heart open and your "walls" up are not the same, because if you close your heart to every guy out there, you limit yourself the chances of meeting that special guy. Yet, learn to be wise and be wary, thus keeping your "walls" up. 

Guys, learn to be a gentleman if you don't already know how. I don't want to sound like a "know-it-all" but I for one believe that girls are touched by the smallest and sweetest things. Chivalry is not dead, I repeat, NOT dead. Please, prove this phrase to be true. Treat every girl like a princess, and you might just be their prince. (All the best guys)

I love this quote "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr Seuss

So to those that think it's just an ordinary day, it isn't. It is not just a day, it is a gentle reminder. 

Shalom and tons of love. 

with cous

at the crossroads in everyday living.

Everyday of our lives, things happen. Well, we could say that people happen. Everywhere we go, we will meet people. In everything we do (well mostly, everything), we are bound to meet people. Yet, how we treat these people can reflect on ourselves and our characters. You'll never know, that girl you bumped into at the station could be one, your future boss, or two, your future wife (but let's not get carried away). You can say that these things usually only happen in the movies, but well, stranger things have happened haven't they? 

Thus as we begin each and every day, let us try to be "nice" to a certain degree. Even if the train is "packed like sardines" and that person (from countries I shall not name) decides to suddenly run in, when clearly there isn't enough space to squeeze, control that inner anger. Do what I do! "Tweet" about it! At least that takes a certain edge of the situation. 

Being nice can sometimes be quite a challenge. Especially when the people you work with being of no help at all, but instead, adding to your problems. I have learnt that by writing down the "problem", or "tweet-ing" it, we are able to let go of that anger faster than if we hold onto it and carry on with our day. Make "love", not war. Remember, let go, and let God. 

  • Current Music
    enchanted - taylor swift
in the ayer

individuals at two different ends of the spectrum

 In life, everything requires balance. Without balance, there is no stability. In order to have our life in order, we need to have stability. Thus, balance is one of the most important keys to life. That being said, we tend to meet people, sometimes weird, sometimes special, that will amaze us. It might be in a good way, it might not. However, I have learnt that there will always be two people that you know, who will go after the same guy, but yet, in terms of character and personality, be totally different from each other. 

Girl numero uno, one who is mightily gifted but yet her mentality does not equate to her age and ends up negating that admirable but not essential trait. Then again, who am I to judge? They say age does not determine one's maturity level, and that my friends, is clearly evident here. 

Girl numero dos, one who is much more matured as compared to the previous girl, eloquent in her speech but yet, is much older than the guy she is chasing. Sadly, a negative factor in what could be the "model" girl for the guy. 

When these two go head to head, it is quite hard to determine who the "winner" could be. Both having their individual plus points as well as their negative ones. However, I believe that "all's fair in love and war" and that  no matter how the outcome could be, one should never backstab the other, nor should either one bad-mouth the other just to get "ahead" in terms of the competition. What one of these girls doesn't know, is that doing such a thing will ultimately undermine your chances and abilities in "chasing" the guy and not only does it not do you any benefits, it outrightly shows the shallowness of one's character. Going to that extent of sabotaging the others chances is definitely not the right thing to do. 

Something I must add before I end, these two girls are actual friends. And who is putting up a facade and who isn't, that is up to you to see and guess. It is sad because one does not know the deeds that the other have done, but yet, still treat the other as an equal. Not seeking to take advantage by underhand means, but by fair play. That is a something that I truly admire. The mark of a true lady lies not in what she does when there are people around to see, but when she does the right thing, even though no one is watching.

Choices in life are hard my friend. Sometimes, the most important ones that we decide upon, can also be the most painful.  

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    energetic energetic
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in light of human activity

In a society filled with pretentious people, one can only hope that they are not one of them. With that being said, putting on masks can become a daily routine, one that should be taken seriously, never forgetting to remove what you have placed onto your "face", lest you forget who you were entirely (spoke briefly about this in one of the previous posts). Facades come and go. Well so do people. People go through many phases in life, from birth to death and everything in between. Like from getting attached, to breaking up,  find achievements and seeing failures. These events are part and parcel of our daily lives.

What we need to understand is the significance of these events. How important they are and their repercussions. There is always hype when one gets attached, from the many "likes" on the change in relationship status on facebook, to the many congratulations on a foreseeable happy ending. We do no realize the expectations that are being placed onto the shoulders of the couple, that very moment the "status" changes. To know the expectations, be it "treat her well!" or "may you be happy always", that is a separate issue compared to fulfilling those expectations. 

That being said, when the expectations are not met within a relationship, one of two things could happen. One: a fight/argument ensues between the couple, with things like "you didn't do this" or "you forgot that", being thrown around like meatloaf in a food-fight. Two: the couple reach an impasse and seek to resolve their differences and aim to meet each others expectations once again, with either or both parties giving and taking to ensure happiness at both ends.

When a relationship ends, many things happen. Yes, life goes on. Yes, it will be hard to forget the painful memories that are attached to that person. And yes, there are always repercussions, like there are in every situation. Both parties will feel hurt for a certain period of time, and that period of "mourning" defers in each individual. Some taking longer than others. Who are crucial in times like these? FRIENDS. And it is these friends that ensure the "safety" of the person hurting. To give the one hurting time to recover, to give them "love" and care, and to make sure that they are okay. It is in this "counsel" of friendship that the hurt seems less painful with every passing day, and it is also because of these friends that one can start to be themselves again. 

However, there will always be conflicts between the mutual friends of the couple. Disagreements of the way he or she was treated, how they felt it was unfair for a certain party, and also anger towards the "hurter". These responses are common and are only natural as friends seek to defend and protect each other. Thus, one should not worry of the treatment they might or might not receive from those mutual friends. Only unless they have something to fear. Break-ups are part and parcel of life, because if a couple does not work out, this is the best solution. However, one would only have something to fear when despite not being able to make things work, the treatment of either party was not how a boy treats a girl, or how a girl treats a boy. Unless something bad happened that cannot be revealed, lest the integrity or reputation will be tarnished. Then, be afraid. Be very afraid. The looks you will get, will follow you around, and those that know the situation, will probably be unified in their "looks" towards you. 

I guess, the only way to resolve this is to seek forgiveness and understanding. That will not erase things, but at least it will make things right. There on out, there will at least be closure of this matter and then, there will be no need to fear over the way people look at you, because from how I see it, you have done what you needed to do. Everything else is up to those individuals themselves. If you were an ass towards he or she, just admit it. Because no matter how far or how fast you run, it will always come back to haunt you, wherever you go.



CNY twenty-eleven.

 Hello one and all! Happy Lunar New Year to everybody seeing this!
Hope that we will all have a very prosperous time this week, and that everyone will have increases in their bank accounts!

Lunar New Year, the time of year when people gather round, mingle and drink, eat and catch-up. The only time of year that gives reason for such a gathering like this. Festivities aside, of which not many do happen; apart from the collection of red-packets. This is the opportunity we all are presented with, whether we like it or not, to meet up with family and relatives which we don't usually see on a daily basis. 

Thus, take this opportunity with open hands, and (not forgetting) open wallets, as we move a step closer to building better relationships or to repair damaged bridges. This is our time, make full use of it!

And as the Chinese saying goes, "HUAT AH"!