shaunisaac (shaunisaac) wrote,

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wanting to speak but the words won't come out.

Have you ever been kept up so awake for something which you've NOT been looking forward to? I mean the irony in it all.
Well, i'm that perfect example because the first day of my third semester's 3 hours away and i couldn't seem to sleep. Since 2 am i've been rolling in bed trying, period.

Is the hidden anticipation of what tomorrow brings keeping me up? I believe it to be so. The many plans i've made should not have been in my head but now that it is, I can hardly catch a wink. I doubt i'd be going back to bed because if so, the temptation of the slumber will ultimately draw me, i don't know about you, but i wouldn't make it to school. Hence, the next best thing to do is for me to write it out.

There comes a point in everyone's life when you look back and think, "what if" and "what could have been". Knowing that the regret will stay with you forever unless you'd do something about it. Sometimes this happens when you put everyone you care and love in front of yourself, with their best interests at heart, but forsaking your own, all for love. In life's long journey, one must learn how to be themselves first ONCE IN AWHILE, and not always but not never either. Only then can we ensure that we would have done most of what we wanted to, despite the fact that there will always be regrets.

The care and love we have for someone goes a long way. Knowing that someone, somewhere out there is looking out for you and has your back is a comforting thought. This world can be harsh and so can the people, thus knowing we can brave what's out there full of faith and confidence will ultimately make a difference. Don't think that words don't matter, because they do. When a spirit is crushed, it usually takes a few words and a whole lot of thinking to get back on track. The thinking alone without the help of those words is like a sports car with an engine but no fuel. How we esteem and talk to those around us can make or break them. Knowing what and when to say certain things really is the key to it all.

Someone once told me that "i always give her confidence" and although i honestly didn't expect that, somewhere inside of me, my heart was smiling. Even though, technically it can't. It's this feeling knowing you've made someone's day, or been there for someone when they needed you the most that really makes our own day you know? Like a sense of satisfaction mixed with a ton of joy that brews forth a concoction filled with love. That is how I would desribe that feeling, because you'll never know when a person needs to feel that way.

Many times, people get so caught up with dealing with themselves and their own issues that the people arond them get shut off. I know this is contrary to what i wrote earlier but I'm still going to continue. As I was saying, people become the centre of their own universe and that isn't good, because like a little seed, self-centredness can grow and when it does, things that fade into the darkness will probably be our friendships and trust because no one ever confides in a self-centred person, unless you didn't know they were that way, as nothing good ever comes out of that. I mean, whatever that you say to them will be cast to one side.

Kill that self-centredness and ego for it ain't getting a person far, because having a high ego isn't the same as exuberating confidence. To ooze confidence is like knowing that you can get a strike in bowling, but having that high ego and self-centredness is like knowing you'd do well but at the same time, everyone else cannot compare and fades into oblivion.

Looks like i'm done.
Treat this as rubbish or food for thought, you decide.
Tags: worrying just makes you an old man.

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