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i'm not missing you

 What matters most is not those that stand around in your triumph. What matters are those that stay, even when things get hard. This is the way true friendship should be. The ability to care, to share and to love. These are qualities that not only make a person, but ones that make a friend. Know who your true friends are today, live everyday investing in the right friendships. Those that bring you forward, not the ones that hold you back. 

Sometimes people build walls so as to keep people out. Sometimes people build walls just to see, who would be brave enough to climb them; to see the real you.

it's been a long time coming.

 It has been such a long time since I last penned down the thoughts the swim and swirl around in my head. Perhaps the business of life has taken it's toll on me, either focusing on what we want to achieve or looking back on that which has been accomplished. Looking forward, I foresee a year ahead, one that will doubtlessly be tough, but yet exciting. Someone once said, "tough times don't last, tough people do" and that certainly seems to fit the bill right here. Pushing on in spite of difficulty shows strength in weakness, it also display the great character that you have within yourself. Giving up is never an option, to fight on is what we should strive on towards. With our goals in mind, plough the fields with determination, knowing that the fruits of your labour will be plentiful and they will be sweet and fulfilling. Don't look at that very moment's pain, but look to the future and the pleasure it will bring. 

Friends, oh friends. Such a touchy topic nowadays isn't it. Acquaintances? Friends? Lovers? Enemies? It is sometimes quite hard to differentiate them isn't it. Maybe not "lovers" but between friends, acquaintance and enemies, who knows what "hat" one puts on when meeting someone familiar. Are we friends? Are we enemies? I guess actions will always speak louder than words. "Best friends" are a phrase commonly thrown around, but just like a pair of dice, the numbers will always be different, and so will the feelings towards each other. At every given point of time, there will be different emotions at play, sometimes happiness, other times hatred. That being said, what proves that the friendship is as good as gold? From my point of view, I believe that struggles come with every relationship (friendship) and that the ability to settle differences are the key to having that "golden" friendship. 

In a world now plagued with selfishness and self-righteousness, the common man only strives for his comfort, his happiness. Remembering the sacrifices of another is only secondary. "As long as at the end of the day, I am contented, nothing else matters". This my friends, is the thinking of the common man. Sure, you might say that not everyone is like that, but honestly speaking, who are we trying to kid? It is within the deep carnal nature of ourselves to think of our own well-being. 

I've heard of "friends" that will stop at nothing to get what they want to achieve, even if that means, hurting the very people that show care and concern. I have also heard of "friends" that happily backstab others, only to maintain the facade of friendship in front of those backstab-ees. You might wear masks to conceal who you really are, but don't forget to take them off once in awhile and check your reflection, because one day, you might never remember the "real" you. For those who like to backstab, (you know who you are), please know that "what goes around, comes around". Thus, in order to save yourself first, you should know how to control that tongue of yours. Like they say, payback's a bitch. 

Just a disclaimer, I am not directing this at anyone nor is this a "hate" post or whatever you call it. I am just writing down how I feel from daily experiences, from both myself and my friends. How people are treated, judged and wronged. There should be an end to all this back-biting, and the world will be a happier place. No more mopping around complaining about how you treated someone nice and yet, in a split-second turned their backs against you. True friends shine the brightest when your night is the darkest. Remember, when your world feels like caving in, and when all seems lost, look around you. Look for those that will always be there for you, don't think of those that have disappeared, think of those who have stayed. 

Happy CNY guys.

How does one define this? It is defined as the existence of a human being. That is it's definition.
Yet, how do we define life?
Is it determined by the things we do, the things we did, or the things we regret doing? Perhaps, it's all a little of each other.
How do we live each and every day? Do we live to it's maximum potential or do we just go with the flow?

It is unpredictable isn't it.
One day you could be sitting around doing nothing, the next your whole life could just be spun upside down.
When that happens, how do you deal with it? What do you hold on to? Do we let go of what we keep closest to our hearts?
It's funny because life doesn't wait for nobody, but yet things happen that can change everything and even at that point; life still goes on.

How do we live our life?
What do we live for?

I know what I am living for; my one, my only, my God.
My whole life, I'm living for you God.
And I guess, when you know what you're living for, maybe life would not seem so dark and gloomy.
Because the reason we're alive is to tell His story; not mine, not yours.

Never forget the reason we breathe, the reason we live.
The very reason we are where we are, is because of His grace and mercy.
The only reason why we wake up each morning is because of that same grace and mercy that never fails.

Life can be hard, life can be confusing and at times, life can be something you wished you never had.
But I say, don't let go! Whatever the reason may be that you'd want to let go, there is always a greater cause to live for.
All that matters is that our trust is in His name.
Anchor your faith in His mighty hands, because come what may, our God will never fail.
Even in a room full of people, you might feel alone; and trust me I know how that feels. Our God is right there beside us.
Just like how Pastor Kong preached, He'll make the shot for you, He'll make that save for you. Just don't give up, fight alongside Him and He'll fight next to you all the way.

Fighting on even though every fragment of your body tells you not to is not an easy feat.
Yet with every step we push on to, we are one step closer to our victory.
Everyday away from the house of God may not feel good, but if we keep pressing on, each day becomes one day closer from touching Him.
All that matters is that we never give up.
People change, but my God doesn't.

my last letter.

Now marks the ending of something so wonderful. An experience so unforgettable. Yet there comes a twist at the very ending, as the time of rejoicing can become yet a time of sorrow and grief as we leave the very place where we've worked so hard to reach. Only to reach it and realize the heartache it costs to finally go.

Goodbye is never an easy word to say. Yes the ending will always be better than the beginning, and that moment of greatness takes flight the moment all the sadness passes and the ashes are left on the ground. That will be the moment, the time, the period where out of the ashes, will rise something great, someone magnificent and altogether glorious.

That very second will be the doorway into the beginning of greatness! The moment we are willing to take that step out of where we've grown so comfortable being, into where we know we will shine greater than ever before. That will be the time when we will rise as one, as God's chosen one to the occasion, to fulfil what we were called to do. Greatness. That was placed in us the moment we decided in an unison decision to come to this place. Where we knew humility was a module not taught but learnt. Where we knew sacrifice was compulsory. Greatness is what we can achieve as long as we are never scared to walk the path set before us, the path that God has destined us to walk. Storms can be looming, the weather can be dark and scary. Yet, greatness is a path not walked by weaklings but a path conquered by mighty man and woman of valour. We once had one another to count on, one another to rely on. Now we only have ourselves and our God to walk with us. It may seem tough at first and almost impossible, but truly our God is a good God and amidst the uncertainty. He will see us through, with His grace and anointing.

Thus, we have conquered this fight of faith and truly ran this race together as one. Time was never on our side, and it will never be. Every moment is precious, for who knows when paths may cross again. For some many, yet others this may be their final chance. Make what's good of time and time will in turn cause us cherish every moment while it lasts.


At the end of the day, what we can carry with us will be these memories. The fun times, happy times, sad times and anxious times. All spent together and it is these individual periods of time that are spend together with the people you love that make it all the more special and significant in life. Each memory safe and dear in my heart. Memories are all that we can keep when we bid each other farewell. Memories will be all that remains. The time spent together was awesome, the time spent after this will be even greater.

 Goodbye SOT '09, Goodbye Team 3 and Goodbye Team 28. Till our paths cross again.

 To Team 28, all the fun and quirky moments were never going to last. It could have only been prolonged. Every moment spent, whether high or low, happy or sad, i am glad i spent it together with you guys. I really hope that days, months and even years from now, as we look back, i hope to see the frienship that was forged. Let it be a spectacular friendship, one that filled with love and compassion, servanthood and grace. Team 28 has done greater, but yet greater things have yet to come.

To estella jie, thank you for being so 'sisterly' to the 4 little brothers under your wings. Truly you have been our big sister! A listening ear in times of need and just a hug away. You have been a great comforter.

To timwan, thank you for being like a big brother to me. Telling me when to do something and when to not. For looking out for me whenever there seems to a problem, you will always spot it. It has been great knowing you and well, you will go on to do so much greater!

To weipin, you have been an awesome friend! Always the life of a party inside one single person. You have turned so many frowns upside down. One thing i admire is your 'never say die' spirit and that really inspires me to smile it the midst of trouble. Thank you for all the laughs, it has been amazing.

To constance, thank you for always being a friend. Being a guide to those around you. You have grown so much more and this is only the beginning for you. The road ahead is so much longer, but yet i know, you have such a great reserve of strength inside of you that will see you through.

To deborah, like i told you before, you really surprised me with your overflowing care and concern. That truly touched my heart. And i wouldn't deny the fact that you've been a great friend. One that really does things that others don't.

To jingxian, my blond hair-ed buddy, kudos to you and what is to come, I am really proud of you!



An experience like no other;

 The next 48 hours is a crucial time for many of us; the ending of the beginning. Bible School may have ended, but the walk with God is merely going on. It continues without fail. In the blink of an eye, 5 months have passed before us, at the passing of a breath, we have come thus far. Learning and equipping ourselves with His Word is one thing; taking the practical out of the theological is another. Even up to this point, Bible School has been more than a phenomenal experience, to be able to gain the experiential from God. 

Just like a fire, we cannot stop burning; we cannot stop desiring for God. What we've taken back from Bible School is just the 'lighting of the match', we must not forget to add the Word of God which is the charcoal so that the fire will not stop burning. We may have the fire, but we need to have the capacity to sustain that. Feeding ourselves constantly is a lifestyle we need to incorporate within us out of Bible School. 

Apart from the practical, we need to have people with us, beside us and together we run along God's path. Without these people, distractions can easily take us out of course and thus, we need these people to check our 'blind spots' for us when we cannot see them ourselves. Having godly friends is essential and we need to prioritize who these friends are. One thing I've learned about friends in Bible School is that the first impression does not determine who they really are. From my experience here, I've made friends who surpass the superficial and come to a place of trustworthiness. Those them seem not to care, have cared more for each other than those who seem caring outwardly but are just performing an obligation. 

Bible School is essence, is more than a place to be trained. It is a place of life-transformation. Where people step out of the place of comfort into an area of testing, trials and tribulations. Where perseverance is pushed and faith is tested. To say we trust God is one thing, to step out of yourself and into His hands, that is a whole different ball game. A the end of the day, we must know that it is not by our strength or our gifts and talents that has brought us this far; it is His grace and anointing that has carried us here. To go from a place of glory, to a place of greater glory. Where at the end of the day, the glory of God can be magnified, and His name, exalted. 

Obedience is better than sacrifice and there are times we need to understand how to avail ourselves when our leaders require our help. The need is the call and whenever we give of ourselves to build God's house, I know and I can assuredly say, God will never shortchange us. He sees all things, He know all things. 

As the curtain closes on this chapter in life, these past experiences should never be forgotten, those people that have made a difference in our lives should never be neglected and this time next year, how far we've travelled towards this greater glory will be seen by the works that we do, the people we've touched and the lives that we've changed.

All glory, given to God forever more.

love is active.

out of the love i have for you,
i will do what's right.
not that i have to, but because i want to.
and the only reason why i want to,
is because i love you.
i will set the standard, make the change and not just talk.

actions speak louder than words.

God's amazing love.

My time at bible school has been amazing. Honestly, I'm lying [sinning so fast] because the word amazing belittles how much it has changed my life. From the beginning, I had a certain level of expectations I set, but God just blew me and those expectations far far away.

One thing I've learned, is to be stress-free[not that there wasn't pressure] because stress is the inability to cope with pressure and at bible school, pressure is what you'll get. Best part is, it is lie a sumptuous buffet of pressure. From small appetizers [staying awake] to main courses [assignments], there's the whole platter. Doing my best in everything, and not a little less is all God wants from us.

Similarly, responsibility is crucially being moulded here. To be able to be counted on, not written off. For many are called, few are chosen. Thus, even though we make mistakes, I believe that as we learn in an environment that is full of love and mercy, we can grow collectively and learn from one another. Being solely independent gets us nowhere, but to trust and rely on our friends to tide us through. As a bundle, we are stronger. As a team, we are not easily shaken.

When responsibility is bestowed upon us, what we do and how we achieve our goals can be seen through our friends. They will help us, tell us, disciple us and ultimately cause us to go from glory to glory. It might sting, it might hurt but without this, we won't grow.

Thus, I know this for a fact. Bible school will change your life as it has changed mine [not an advertisement]. Discovering things about yourself you never knew, having a platform for God to use you, and meeting amazing friends you thought you'd never find. All this, are part and parcel. For assuredly I sayeth, don't hold back but run to God, run like you've never ran. Don't miss the moment.


my dad can be so disappointing, but yet..
i choose to forgive.

falling slowly.

i want to be to you, how lucas is to peyton.
the one lucas dreams of is peyton,
the one i dream of, is you.

the things i do, the words i say, the smile you place on my face, it's all because i love you.

your call.

i was born to tell you i love you,
and i am torn to do what i have to,
to make you mine.
stay with me tonight;

i was born to tell you i love you.


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